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Here I am a year later, we are now in the
process of adopting our daughter and
although we have both healed quite a bit
with regard to our losses, I think we both
wonder if we have truly closed the door on
IVF and biological children. I don’t think
we will really know, until we are
parents. It never mattered to me how I
became a Mother, I just knew I wanted to be
a Mother from a very young age. After
experiencing pregnancy, and loss it is hard
to want one, without associating the other
with it.
After all this “heavy talk”, I did make
it through my doctor appointment and she was
very happy that we are in the process of
adopting.
Today is May 11, 2006 and I met with
“Jimmie J.” our decorator who will be
designing and making all the window
treatments and bedding for “ladybugs’” room. I
gave her all my ideas and she did some
sketching and will get back to me on the
details.
After my meeting with Jimmie, I went to our
“Never Forgotten” meeting. This is a
support group for families who have lost a
child during pregnancy, birth or the first
year of life. With it being so close to
Mother’s Day and all that is associated with
this time of year for us, I felt a real need
to attend. To my surprise, no other couples
showed up and Mel was working late. It
turned out that I was able to talk with the
“facilitator” Debbie and sort out a few
things, all good.
Today is Friday, May 12, 2006...TGIF! What a
week! We celebrated 5 months of waiting
with Robert and Jill. We had a fun and
relaxing dinner at the Boat House and talked
China, adoption and just about anything. The
company was great, the food was scrumptious
and we just had a good time.
Mother’s Day 2006…when you have
wanted to be a Mom since you were 8 years
old…another year with no children is very
hard. I am hopeful that by next Mother’s day
I will be a Mom, but right now this is a
really tough holiday.
Some people say, “you are already a Mom”,
and I know they are well meaning, but I want
to be a Mother, I want to parent a
child. Some people say you became a Mom when
you were pregnant the first time, well that
is nice too, but I wanted to parent that
child. Some people say you became a Mom when
you had Martin; well again I wanted to
parent Martin. Of course I felt like a
Mother when I was pregnant and protecting
this tiny baby and providing for it, but
when the pregnancy ended…the feeling of
Motherhood in my mind went away.
When I stand at Martin’s grave I feel that
no Mother should have to stand at the grave
of a child she never got to parent…and yet
by standing at his graveside I am keeping
his memory alive and in essence I am
parenting him the only way I can. So the
question remains when do you become a Mom,
or are we all Mom’s just waiting for our
children to arrive?
I read a
friends blog and her entry for Mother’s day
pretty much summed up the day for me, so I
am borrowing her sentiment to share. Mothers
Day from Donna’s blog
http://www.waitingforlaurenelizabeth.blogspot.com/
“Whether you have your precious little
one already or you're a waiting momma like
me, I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's
Day! Next year at this time I'll be holding
Lauren tightly and thanking God for finally
making me a momma. Here's a tribune to all
types of moms everywhere...This is for the
mothers who have sat up all night with sick
toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced
with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid
saying, "It's alright honey, Mommy's here."
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on
end soothing crying babies who can't be
comforted.
This is for all the mothers who show up
at work with spit-up in their hair and milk
stains on their blouses and diapers in their
purse. For all the mothers who run carpools
and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who don't.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.
And for the mothers who lost their baby in
that precious 9 months that they will never
get to watch grow on earth but one day will
be reunited with in Heaven!
This is for the mothers whose priceless
art collections are hanging on their
refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers
who froze their buns on metal bleachers at
football or soccer games instead of watching
from the warmth of their cars, so that when
their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?"
they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have
missed it for the world," and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at
their kids in the grocery store and swat
them in despair when they stomp their feet
and scream for ice cream before dinner. And
for all the mothers who count to ten
instead, but realize how child abuse
happens.
This is for all the mothers who sat down
with their children and explained all about
making babies. And for all the (grand)
mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't
find the words.
This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat. For all
the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice
a night for a year. And then read it again.
"Just one more time."
This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers
who teach their sons to cook and their
daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for every mother whose head turns
automatically when a little voice calls
"Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know
their own offspring are at home - or even
away at college or grown up with babies of
their own.
This is for all the mothers
who sent their kids to school with stomach
aches assuring them they'd be just FINE once
they got there, only to get calls from the
school nurse an hour later asking them to
please pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose
children have gone astray, who can't find
the words to reach them.
This is for all the
step-mothers who raised another woman's
child or children, and gave their time,
attention, and love... sometimes totally
unappreciated!
For all the mothers who bite their lips
until they bleed when their 14-year-olds dye
their hair green.
For all the mothers of the
victims of recent school shootings, and the
mothers of those who did the shooting. For
the mothers of the survivors, and the
mothers who sat in front of their TVs in
horror, hugging their child who just came
home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers
who taught their children to be peaceful,
and now pray they come home safely from a
war.
What makes a good Mother
anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad
hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook
dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at
the same time? Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache you feel when
you watch your son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone for
the very first time? The jolt that takes you
from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2
A.M. to put your hand on the back of a
sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that
comes again at 2 a.m. when you just want to
hear their key in the door and know they are
safe again in your home? Or the need to flee
from wherever you are and hug your child
when you hear news of a fire, a car
accident, a child dying?
The emotions of motherhood
are universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation... And mature
mothers learning to let go. For working
mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single
mothers and married mothers. Mothers with
money, mothers without.
This is for you all. For all
of us, hang in there. In the end we can only
do the best we can.”
Today is May 16th and Mel got an
early birthday present…THE BROWN
ENVELOPE! Why it took 6 months to
arrive I don’t know, but we have it.
Happy Birthday Mel! Today
is May 17th, Mel’s birthday and I
surprised him with breakfast in bed. We both
had to work but had a nice dinner afterwards
and he got a huge new grille for his
birthday and some of his favorite cologne.
Today is May 18th and we had a
private Chinese class to practice our poem
and song for our last group class. It feels
like such an accomplishment all that we have
learned and yet there is so much more to
learn…but it is a start.
Today is May 21st
and we had our last Chinese class and I
don’t know if I can put into words what the
day was like for us. We all gathered in
a large classroom and the children started
reciting the various poems and phrases they
have learned. We had a small change in plans
as some of our classmates did not come to
class today. At the last minute I had to
memorize a new phrase to say to announce our
poem and song. We made it through our poem
and song and then we were able to relax and
listen to the others.
The most amazing thing
happened…a Mother and daughter recited a
Chinese rhyme similar to “say hay little
playmate”. The daughter was between 8-10
years old and the Mother was American. I
could visually picture myself in 6-8 years
doing the same with our daughter. Afterward
we shared refreshments and spoke to the lady
and her daughter. It turns out she and her
husband adopted 2 girls and a boy from
China. They were older like me and Mel, but
full of life. You just can’t imagine what a
gift today was.
Afterward we took our teacher Lina to the
Boat House for lunch. She shared more
Chinese history and culture and it was just
a really nice day. Afterward I took Mel to
the airport to fly to Pennsylvania.
Today is May 23, 2006 and
this was the message on the CCAA website:
The CCAA has finished the review of
the adoption application documents
registered with our office before
September 30, 2005.
The CCAA has finished the placement of
children for the families whose adoption
application documents were registered with
our office before June 15, 2005.
Today is May 24th
and the Bradney’s invited me over to watch
the American Idol finale with them and we
had scrumptious chicken casserole that Jill
made and I brought a salad. After dinner
I took Lily for a walk in her wagon around
the neighborhood. It was so cute as I was
not familiar with her neighborhood and we
kept going down streets that were dead ends;
we finally made it home in time to watch the
final. Jill joked me that I needed to enjoy
this because once ladybug comes along
watching TV is not the same. I have to say
at one point the 3 adults were glued to the
TV and Lily was trying to get our attention
and guess what she did…but 10 years from now
it won’t matter who won American Idol, but
that special time with Lily will.
Mel called and told me about his visit to
Amish Country and to the flight 93
memorial. He went through some towns in
Pennsylvania with strange names…too strange
to mention here.
After work today May 25th, I got
my haircut and got some highlights….summer
is almost here. Of course everyone wants
to know when we will be traveling to
China….my response…”we are on the slow boat
to China for sure.”
I spent the day, May 26th getting ready for
our “mini vacation” to Abington. This should
be such a fun weekend. We are heading out
bright and early tomorrow morning. We saw
the baby foxes for the first time today.
What a wonderful day, Saturday, May 27th,
we had…we stopped in Kingsport and had
lunch with Susan and David of “Some
babies come by plane”
We met them at an Indian restaurant and had
a nice lunch and great conversation. Susan
was so sweet she gave us a bar of Chinese
soap to put in with the things that we will
send with our care package to ladybug. Then
if we bath with that same soap we will smell
like the care package and that will be
familiar to ladybug. She also shared their
adoption announcement for Elizabeth and it
is absolutely perfect, exactly what I had
imagined. I’ll post the picture of the soap
and invitation in our photo album. After
spending the afternoon with Susan and David
our hearts were warmed and we were energized
to endure this long wait to ladybug. What
a fantastic afternoon!
We arrived in Abingdon and checked into the
White Birches Inn. We
have stayed at this bed and breakfast a few
other times and it is just wonderful. We got
ready and went to the Hardware Company and
had a fantastic dinner, which began with an
Asian appetizer. We then went to the
theater. We
had box seats and saw “Man of Constant
Sorrow” it was super. We had cookies
waiting for us when we returned to our room,
a perfect ending to a very special day.
Well today is Sunday, May 28th
and we started the day with a brisk walk
thru town and it was awesome. The dogwoods
were still blooming and the Spring flowers
were in full bloom. Then we had breakfast at
our B&B, the famous French toast with
peaches. We then went shopping and spent the
afternoon touring around. Today we saw
“My River My Valley” at the back stage and
it was good but HEAVY…did I say HEAVY? We
thought it was more of a comedy. We capped
the evening off watching a Chinese movie
with subtitles…”The Mask”.
Our last day in Abingdon…Memorial Day, May
29th. We started the day with a
long walk and another “power breakfast”. As
we left town we stopped at Dixie Pottery and
found a watering can with a ladybug on
it. We found our way home and were welcomed
by our kitties who missed us…oh so much. |
